I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
