i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Randomize
