I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize