I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He shit in the fireplace
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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