Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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