He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My dick has a subreddit
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
