I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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