booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Someone signed my nipple.
He did a backflip because drugs
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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