tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize