You work out of a Hotel?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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