Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I need a beard to bite.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
