So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
