There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
