brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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