and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
