Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
