I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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