I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just tell him i said nine months
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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