And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We were destined to go to rehab together
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
