hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
