i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
