I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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