im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize