Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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