I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize