A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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