what day is it and did you see me today?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
