Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
