Your dad touched me again.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
