There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
