Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
