I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
