and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
