we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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