Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
