my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
