How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
