he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
should my penis look like a turkey
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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