omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
this is an emotional support booty call
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
tell me about the fingering
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