I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize