It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
