I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
