I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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