I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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