Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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