i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
