Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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