to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
