i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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