You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
