Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
