Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
