im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
