I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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