your room smells of hookers.
And success
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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