I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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