i need an iv and a liver transplant
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
