Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize