I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
