My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can't turn off my feet"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
