y did u give ur computer a hand job?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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