Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
