Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
worst night to have a conscience
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
