Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
