I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
