yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
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