38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
