I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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