how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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