we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
