SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
How external is "for external use only"?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
