guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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