I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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