I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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