so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
