I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
okay pat passed out under dana's car
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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