What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
