and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
