Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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