I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
