So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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