Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
