Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
