Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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