So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize